Forgiveness in the Bible: God’s Model Verses Man’s Attempts

We can all agree that we are captivated with stories, whether movies or novels, that convey a theme of forgiveness. We may even become teary-eyed as the story reaches its high point. In the end everyone lives happily ever after.

Yet, all too often, life doesn’t play out like a movie or novel. Although Christ commanded his followers to forgive, the practice of forgiveness is easier said than done.

“We all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it,” ( C.S. Lewis).

Christians like to talk about forgiveness, and pastors like to teach on the subject. However, putting this noble command into practice is not as easy as the verbiage that surrounds it.

How many times have we had well meaning Christians tell us we have to forgive an offense when perhaps we are still in a state of shock or disbelief?

If we Christians have not experienced what that other person is experiencing, it is better to remain silent. What we have to say is just not credible if we can’t relate. Indeed the old expression, “Walk in someone else’s shoes,” is certainly legitimate.

“Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you” (Colossians 3:13).

Forgiveness is a process we all are forced to undergo probably more times than we would like to in our life times. Yet God’s command is clear, “Just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”

There will always be the little offenses, little annoyances. But as we grow and mature in Christ we can throw them off more easily. Thus, you will notice the little things become less significant.

However, today my focus is on the big offenses. Such as a crime committed against you, some kind of abuse committed against you, a sin or crime committed against your child, betrayal of a loved one or friend, etc. To be specific, offenses that can literally shake people up

“Namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:19). God’s model of forgiveness is the ideal way.

In essence, God’s way involves the offender (sinner) going to the one offended (God) confessing their sin (repentance), and asking for forgiveness. The one offended (God) forgives the offender (sinner), and the offender is reconciled to the one offended (God).

Unfortunately, man’s attempts at forgiveness fall short much of the time. Clearly forgiveness is a complex issue, it is hard to execute, and it can be messy.

For starters, the offender may never seek forgiveness, or an apology. The offender may not believe or see, or admit that they have sinned against you. The offender may never change.

Furthermore, the offended person who never gets an apology and forgiveness is never sought out, must make the choice to forgive even if they don’t feel like it. This is why forgiveness is an act of the will. It is not based on feelings.

Meanwhile, as time passes, healing from the offense may take place. But healing may not occur, contrary to the popular belief, “Time heals all wounds.” Some people may need to seek out Godly counsel and prayer to receive healing from an offense.

Secondly, the offender may go to the offended person and ask for forgiveness (genuine) and the offended person may refuse to forgive. However, a Christian who is not willing to forgive others will find his fellowship with God hindered (“But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” – Matthew 6:15).

Subsequently, these two particular scenarios, which are more common than we would care to admit, hinder the process of reconciliation. Remember, reconciliation is God’s ideal model of forgiveness which restores harmony in relationships. 

Another topic I would like to address is misconceptions about forgiveness. One common misconception about forgiveness is we forgive and forget. It is, however, impossible to erase our minds of the sins committed against us.

What’s important is that we don’t become bitter (Hebrews 12:15). With God’s help we strive toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13).

Another common misconception is to act as if the sin never happened. Now it so happens, God gives us common sense to discern harmful, unhealthy and unsafe circumstances (Proverbs 22:3). So don’t promptly put yourself back into a compromising situation.

Being cautious in certain situations doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven. Trust has to be regained and may take time. Sadly, sometimes relationships will be permanently changed.

“And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times saying, “I repent,” forgive him” (Luke 16:4).

Sometimes you may feel that you have been victorious in this process of forgiveness only to be confronted with the same issue at a later time. Negative thoughts and feelings may arise. Subsequently, you may find yourself having to choose the forgiveness route all over again.

Forgiveness is costly for us. It may involve dying to self, throwing away pride, confronting fears, and enduring emotional pain. Although we may choose to obey God and forgive or ask for forgiveness, many times the outcome depends on the choices of others.

The bottom line is this; the offender may never repent or the offended may never forgive. Consequently, these two harsh realities hinder reconciliation which is God’s ideal. So things may not pan out for everyone, or they may pan out at a later time.

Lastly, forgiveness for most of us is a process. Furthermore, it can be a lengthy process when dealing with the tough stuff. God’s way is always best. But in reality God’s model of forgiveness is often impeded by man’s attempts.
In the end, though, if we have done our part to the best of our ability (with God’s help), we can have peace.

“The Lord will give strength to His people; The Lord will bless His people with peace” (Psalm 29:11).